Your child is not perfect and not always too sunny. There will be times that he/she will show sporadic fits of anger or temper tantrums especially is he/she doesn’t get what he/she wants. As a parent, to avoid further scene, you just give in to your child’s demands and that is not good.
As young as your child can be, you have to lay the foundation of correct anger management so he/she can effectively handle emotions. This is easier said than done but you have to at least try. The first thing that your child needs to learn is how to evaluate and deal with anger in a practical way. They will learn it from you so it is important that you can resolve whenever your child has outbursts.
The good news is that you can avoid further provoking your child by using particular phrases. The phrases are recommended by Renee Jain, Master of Applied Positive Psychology. You should use positive phrases that have the power to soften a mad child. When you are angry too and frustrated, you tend to utter different things and that is not good. You might do more harm than good.
Here are some helpful phrases that you can consider to assuage your child:
“It is hard and we should work this out together.” You hear most Singaporean parent utter “stop being so difficult” or “stop embarrassing me”. This is not something that you should say when your child is being difficult because he/she will think that you are not on the same team. When he/she is being difficult, try the phrase “it is hard and we should work this out together”.
“Can you tell me that again in your normal voice?” Children sometimes whine and whining at them will only make things worse. When you notice he/she sounds whining, you can say “can you tell me that again in your normal voice”. Asking to restate something in a bearable tone will teach him/her a valuable lesson at the end of the day – that they cannot get everything using their whining voice.
“I am getting frustrated now and I have to calm down.” Children just tend to outburst and let it do the talking. That is not ideal. As parent, you have to show to them that labelling emotions and governing it should be practiced. So instead of saying “you are impossible, I cannot deal with you right now”, you can say “I am getting frustrated now and I have to calm down”.